In Puerto Rico right now,musical eroticism" eubanks winkler#q="winkler" "musical eroticism 60 percent of people don't have access to potable water. It's only natural that the President has decided to allocate all of his resources to the cause that needs it the most: the Dallas Cowboys.
Trump's attention span is notoriously limited -- this is, reportedly, a man who won't read national security briefings unless his name is included multiple times -- and Puerto Rico's humanitarian crisis is growing by the day. 80 percent of their crops are estimated to have been ruined. Power may not come back for six months or more. An aid package isn't expected to arrive until mid-October, far too late for folks with struggling with depleted oxygen tanks and unrefrigerated insulin.
It's time for Trump's parents, aka Daddy Kelly, to put away his toys and ask him to be a good boy now.
SEE ALSO: Hurricane Maria plunged Puerto Rico into a humanitarian crisis, and help has barely arrivedLast night, the President blamed the island's current crisis on its debt -- not, you know, a hurricane -- and later claimed that "food and water" were doing well, whatever that means.
Here's how we can get him to focus on an island that desperately needs his help.
Big boy Trump loves nothing more than seeing big scary tanks and trucks go honk-honk!
Spotted: A map to be hung somewhere in the West Wing pic.twitter.com/TpPPDyNFtE
— Trey Yingst (@TreyYingst) May 11, 2017
This election won't end until we're all dead.
¡Trump le gusta el golf!
All the most popular authoritarian presidents hang out in Old San Juan.
Three scoops! And if he's extra good, he gets to go to Six Flags for his birthday.
This wouldn't be the first time Trump signed something he didn't totally understand.
Move over, Trump Hotel. Introducing: Trump Colonial Properties.
Chances are he doesn't even know its part of America. Give the deception a chance.
Fake news will always be the fastest route to his heart.
Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.
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